a view through my own eyes

After the successful tour of the US in 2001, I am pleased to announce that due to popular demand. The Osbornes have decided that the time is ripe for a return leg. So for your delectation and to fulfill your anticipation we will be touring the former British Colonies of the United States of America and Canada this year.

24th – 29th August – New York – SOLD OUT
28th August – Niagra (Canada) – SOLD OUT
30th August – 2rd September – Minneapolis & St Paul – SOLD OUT
3rd – 8th September – Boston – SOLD OUT

I regret to announce that tickets are now sold out at all venues due to popular demand.

T-Shirts may be available on request once we have returned to England.

Late last week mrspao and I decided that it was time that we sorted out a wheelie bin for refuse collections. Biodegrading black sacks and the cost of tarpaulins to protect the inside of the car whilst we took the waste to the dump meant that it made sense to get a bin.

So last Friday lunchtime we headed out to the waste collection department, handed over £40 for a wheelie bin and were advised that it would be delivered within a week.

It arrived on Saturday morning.

Since there seems to be a black market in wheelie bins in the area (mainly down to the £40 cost), it now has our house number and postcode painted on the top.

I am still however in a state of disbelief that the bin arrived so quickly.

Das Boot first came to my attention in the late 1980s as a TV miniseries, which I thoroughly enjoyed. Since then I have to admit that I accidentally bought the film cut of the series and then purposefully bought the full version on DVD.

Watching Das Boot again on DVD made me think about acquiring the book upon which the TV series is based.

In Das Boot we see through the eyes of a navy reporter the patrol of a U boat in WW2. The DVD gave me a sense of claustrophobia, tension, excitement, boredom and the madness of war that the crew of the U boats suffered. The book to be honest failed.

The book is fiction comprised of events that the author witnessed during the war, I cannot and will not knock the events. The problem I have is either down to the authors writing style or the translators translation – not being able to read German I cannot get a copy in German and work out which. At not point does the book bring across to me a sense of emotion or atmosphere of the scene. The dialog to be honest is dire, for example “This is a dirty war!”, “the potatoes are rotten!”, “Dive to three hundred feet!” and so on. I am not entirely sure that I have seen so many exclamation marks in any book that I have read.

I honestly cannot recommend this book, primarily for the reason that I gave up on it – I survived until the half way mark at which point the events in the book mirrored the miniseries and then skipped to the end, the events were again similar. However the DVD gave me a true sense of emotion (yes I am being deliberately vague) the book gave nothing.

Written in the early 1900′s, prior to the First World War, this book may well be able to lay claim as one of the first spy thrillers.

In the book Caruthers receives a telegram from a University chum called Davies who needs his help. Caruthers heads over the Holland and joins Davies on his yacht as they explore and chart the coast line of the Dutch and German coastlines.

If a book could smell, this book would give off the salty tang of sea air, seriously reading the book in many ways is a delight as the Childer draws us in on on the tide and takes us in and around the dunes of the coast of the area.

To say too much more would give away the plot, which to be fair in terms of modern spy thrillers is fairly minimal, that is not to say that the book is at fault but more an indication of the way books were written at the time. There is a slow build up – I mean slow – and then the secret is revealed and all of a sudden that is it. In some ways it is a a let down down but at the same time it is almost a relief. If the book were written today it would probably comprise the opening chapters of a thriller and so we could see what happens afterwards and then a real conclusion.

As things stand though the build up is wonderful, you can almost feel the boats rocking with the sea, the smell of the air and the rain lashing down.

Recommended but not quite what you would normally expect.

OK OK, I have to admit that I am well behind on the book plugging, so now its catch up time.

This book is a collection of Clarksons articles from the Sunday Times from 2002, in it he prattles on in his own inimitable way other the likes of Chelsea Tractors (4x4s to you and me), housing, travel and anything else that has irritated him

His style of writing is fairly light, has a tendency to go off on a tangent but is very funny.

Heres the rub though, being a series of articles I kept the book in the bathroom as a time filler whilst engaged doing other matters. For that purpose it is fine, like the TV series Top Gear Clarkson imho comes across as a self opinionated, arrogant prat. The sort of bloke who you don’t mind seeing in the pub cos he can be hysterically funny yet would not want to spend a tremendous amount of time with. At least that is how he comes across and I expect and hope that is a carefully crafted persona.

Still the book is fun even if you do disagree with what he says.

Back to the hospital today. This time to discuss the pleasure of sorting out my wandering eye (oh how that asks for raised eyebrows).

Anyhow first up was the Head Orthoptist (as observed by mrspao spying an ID card), who took measurements, played with prisms, told me I would never get real stereoscopic vision and flirted with me. Apparently getting my eyes straightened out could lead me to having double vision. At the moment I have panorama vision – talking really wide angle here, if its sorted then I would have a more normal field of vision. She suggested that we went for a temporary injection based treatment to see how things go and if successful go for the more permanent surgery based option.

Next up was her boss – Mr Edwards – the consultant who specializes in squint surgery. He took a medical history and made lots of notes. He gazed into my eyes for evidence of previous squint surgery when I was a child. Finally he said that in his opinion it is very unlikely that double vision would be an issue – primarily because I choose which eye I am using and do not use both together. He said that it would be wise to go for the temporary injection based solution first as a trial just to ensure that there are no complications and that I am happy with what I get to see, and the follow that if suitable with permanent surgery.

Then he offered to do the temporary fix today. Ten minute job, local anesthetic – job done. I mentioned that I am on holiday abroad in a couple of weeks which could make things interesting in the advent of complications. So we agreed that we will go for later in the year.

Come mid November I will have botox treatment.

Fear my lack of wrinkles.

OK Freecycle has come good on me.

Mrspao who is into knitting in a big way, has tried spinning – OK I admit that this was my idea for a birthday present. Yes it had occurred to me that this could lead to the need for a spinning wheel, but hey it keeps her happy.

Handily in the last few weeks there has been a couple of adverts on freecycle offering sheep fleece. We picked up a couple of white ones a few weeks back, which to be honest smelt rustic.

Friday we picked up some black ones. The stink, they honk, they reek, OK; actually the bastard things bloody smell.

Today we received a baby bath (apparently they are idea for cleansing sheep fleeces – with added boiling water and appropriate detergents) as a trade for our old washing machine – it was a intra family swap (Hi Jennie – enjoy your first new flat tomorrow – excuse me whilst I cross my fingers in the hope that the washing machine still works) so mrspao and Jennie are now happy.

baa baa black sheep have you any wool?
yes sir yes sir four bags full
none for the master
none for the maid
and four for Samantha who lives down the lane

Enjoy mrspao.

In a world of increasing environmental aware goings on, I have made a not so amazing discovery.

Black plastic sacks are now biodegradable – which is good for the environment.

Used cat litter with included cat deposits is someone acidic.

Biodegradable bags do indeed degrade.

All over our garage floor.

Still cleared up now and double bagged in oh biodegradable bags – hopefully they will last until tomorrow when I take them to the dump.

Job for monday is to finally sort out a wheelie bin.